The holidays can be a tough time for us introverts, and as someone with over forty years of experience being one, I feel that I am qualified to speak about the concerns that we have. It’s no secret that Christmas time can be a socially taxing time of year. With this in mind, I want to take a few minutes to share with you some vital information that could help you take care of the introvert in your life this holiday season.
I will do this by presenting you with three facts about us introverts that will help to dispel some common misconceptions out there.
Fact #1 - Introvert ≠ Shy
There has long been this erroneous idea that all introverts are shy, awkward people who don’t know how to talk to anyone. While we certainly can be shy and awkward at times, it may shock you to find out that there are plenty of talkative and energetic introverts too. What makes someone an introvert is not how they engage with others, but what they have to do in order to recharge.
It used to be that all kids were pushed to behave like extroverts. I know this because I was a kid during that time period, and people would use the words “shy” and “introvert” interchangeably even though they do not mean the same thing. There are shy extroverts just like there are people-person introverts. The significant factor is not how they behave around others but how they rest and regain their mental energy, which brings me to my second fact you need to know.
Fact #2 - Introverts NEED their alone time. No seriously. We really do.
If an introvert tells you that they need some time alone, they’re being serious. They aren’t trying to get away because they don’t like you or because they think you smell bad. They’re being completely honest with you. They really do need some time alone. It’s nothing personal and you should not take it as such. This is just how we introverts are wired.
The key characteristic of an introvert is that we MUST have time to ourselves in order to regain our mental and emotional energy. This is not debatable, nor can it be ignored for a long period of time. It is actually detrimental to the mental, and eventually even physical, health of an introvert to deny them this time to themselves. This is what separates us from extroverts, who actually receive their mental and emotional energy from being in contact with others, the exact opposite of introverts.
Fact #3 - Believe it or not, we really do like being around other people. We just have to do it in doses.
I know some of you might find this one shocking, but I promise it’s true. Yes, we really do like being around other people. We need human interaction just as much as anyone else does. What makes us different is that we can only have so much interaction before we need to make our retreat again in order to recharge our social batteries. If the introvert in your life suddenly decides to exit the scene and go home or hide in their room, it’s more than likely not because you’ve offended them somehow. It’s most likely because their social energy is running low and they need some time to recover.
I hope these facts are helpful to you in caring for your introvert friends and family this Christmas. We have just as much holiday spirit as anyone else. We just need some time alone every now and then to refill our “cups of cheer.”